The P Snake
Once upon a time, there was a German walking in the woods. He was on his way to grandmothers house when he had a thought. What if I could look into the holes of penises all around the world. What if I could be the first person ever to see what’s going on in the most sensitive hole ever. I will call it, the cystoscope and it will change the world forever.
Well, it sure did change the world forever. You may be wondering, why this topic? Well, my father and I have both had to use this tool and let me tell you, it is life changing. To start, think about how hard it is to construct a long object that needs to slide in through your genitals, up to your organs with a light and a camera that projects to a tv.
The first cystoscope was hollow and not flexible. It was made so that it could be looked through like binoculars and was heated and cooled at the same time in order for it to be lit and not burn your insides off. The inventor’s name was Philip Bozzini who died at age 36 contracting Typhoid while saving countless patients from Typhoid. His wife died a few months later leaving three kids as their legacy.
When he first came up with this idea, everyone laughed at him (true story). They said look you creep, we know what you’re up to and we don’t like it. Luckily, he stayed the course as most famous people do who believe in themselves and now we have the modern fiber optic cystoscope that is long, flexible and high def. Here’s my story.
I was taking a urine test and blood showed up. Next thing I know, I’m talking to two lovely ladies with my pants down and a doctor who seems to be on steroids talking to me about an Iron man he completed. He says what you will experience will be a 3 out of 10 on the pain scale. Then he picks up this thick, 1 foot long wire and I immediately panic.
I can’t look at what is about to happen so I stare at the ceiling. He goes in and just like that, there is an instrument inside me with no numbing agent as we have yet to make a numbing agent for the inside of the body. The wire is about to pass between the bladder and the prostate but he stops. He says now you is the time to look at the tv if you want. I said I’m good. Then I hear, this will hurt a bit, are you ready. I ask myself, where am I really going to go. It feels like needles everywhere and lasts for about a minute as he investigates up to the kidneys. Meanwhile, I’m watching these two women thinking about what is going through their heads. Are they satisfied with what they’re looking at, I wonder if they signed up for this originally.
Anyway, that was it and I would say it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but after finishing, it felt like I had just accomplished a milestone in my life. I mean, what’s scarier then this. When I was a kid, I was afraid of everything. These days, I just do hard things and am thankful that I have this superpower to get it done and move on.
