Bikram Yoga AKA Death
Bikram yoga is 26 poses and two breathing exercises. 13 of the poses are standing and 13 are sitting. Death, my first thought when I hear hot yoga whether Bikram or not, but this post is just about Bikram. The classes can be compared to wandering in the desert, sun beating down, no water in sight and the vultures waiting. The yoga teacher can be a dictator, but that’s what Bikram Choudhury wanted. Soldiers to lead a yoga army into the hottest, most strict exercise there is.
The temperature gets to be 117 degrees for 90 minutes with humidity reaching 50% as it’s a controlled environment. A breeze comes into the studio only a few times during class when the dictator decides to open a door allowing cold air to trickle in for just a few seconds. Then just as quickly, the gateway to heaven closes and all hell reigns back down.
You look to your left while doing a pose and you see a fellow zombie, mouth closed because if you open your mouth while breathing, that triggers your body to go into fight or flight mode and that is a no-no. You look to your right and you see the previous zombie’s girlfriend, eyes open of course because there is no closing your eyes during this class as shutting your eyes promotes imagination and that is a no-no. There is no place for thinking. Just the dictator’s voice and silence. No background music to pump you up and lights stay on 95% of the time during class to keep you alert.
It is said you should never leave the class and should only drink during rest periods in between postures. Plus there is the 20 minute rule which is no drinking until after the first 20 minutes has passed because you don’t want to have the water sit in your stomach while your face down, ass up balancing on one leg while juggling flaming bowling balls. If you feel like passing out, sit down on your mat in either a kneeling position or on your back making no noise.
At this point, your towel on your mat is a swimming pool, whenever you pick your feet up for a new posture or you lie down in between poses, sweat splashes and your bathing suit is soaked. Oh and did I mention, there are half naked, hot women everywhere which clearly doesn’t help calm the monkey mind. If you’re into men, think of hairless guys who have a little pudge but are basically toned and in decent shape.
I always yell in my head at the students who can’t stay in the room. The dictator breaks it’s teaching to ask, where are you going, why are you leaving. And this is not just one dictator, this is most of them if they take their practice seriously. I call these students deserters, weak for not staying the whole class but deep down inside, I am envious of the heavenly cool air they breath leaving hell, even for only a minute. I have left a class only once because I lost feeling in my hands and feet and figured if I’d have stayed any longer, the ambulance would have had to come and I surely don’t have money to pay for that.
If you’ve made it to the end, the finale are the breathing exercises called Kapalbhati Pranayama. After 90 minutes of death, you are asked to breathe in and out fast, at small pulses. It is generally supposed to be 120 breaths in and out per minute or 2 per second. This is repeated twice. The benefits are endless for this type of breathing and also for cold showers, which is what I do as soon as I leave class.
So there you have it. What is Bikram you ask and how tough is it really? Well, let’s just say it’s not for the weak minded but it is one of the healthiest activities you can do that is low impact on your joints and will improve your overall health. It’s cured my knees and back allowing me to function normally in everyday life without pain. I’d recommend trying out a class if you want to lose weight, meet the woman or man of your dreams, build toughness and enhance your mind and body.
